Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I still have a little drunk in my system
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
