i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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