She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize