I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
