Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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