my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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