In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
