I faked an abortion last night.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
