I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize