non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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