Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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