I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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