I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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