i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
did i just pee glitter
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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