i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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