don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
