I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
