ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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