I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
