overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We are two peas in an std pod
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
