I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
