Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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