It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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