I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
