Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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