who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize