No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
