i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
