:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
