and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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