You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
