Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
