So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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