the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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