I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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