they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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