Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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