The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
