$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
North Korea, Best Korea!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't turn off my feet"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm always down for nudity.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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