We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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