i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
