So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
