My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
