it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
