Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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