dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
