God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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