for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
