it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize