don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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