I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
