when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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