I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
