If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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