Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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