You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
