There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He felt like a one man threesome
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
