So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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