Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't deserve a penis
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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