and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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