You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
