It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All I want is dick and wine.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
