"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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