i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
