I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
