In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And then he peed in my hair
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