I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
