i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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