I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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