As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
