She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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